This Just In:Â At Least Steve Rogers is Still Dead!
I really had to go when I got home, and fortunately it gave me time to read Final Crisis #7.Â Where better place to read the final chapter of Final Crisis than on the crapper? It seems fitting as morrison appears to have crapped out another story that relies a great deal on you knowing everything there is to know about the DC Universe as he takes everything Kirby ever created and gives it a place to call its own.Â And like a good bowel movement, Final Crisis #7 has a few moments that makes one feel really satisfied.
Oh yes, Dear Reader, hold on to your hat, as we bring you a Major Spoilers filled look at Final Crisis #7.
The first thing readers will need to know when reading Final Crisis is this; you better make time to read this issue really slowly, and plan on reading it a couple of times.Â Maybe even 20.Â Not because it is that awesome of an issue, but rather it will take you that long to really get your mind behind what grant morrison is doing.
The most problematic part of this issue is the jumpiness of the story.Â There are moments when you believe at least part of the Final Crisis story takes place in two separate universes, but were lead to believe it was the same universe, and then there are moments when it appears that readers are simply being jumped around in time and space, without the protection of Th Doctor of the TARDIS.
For example, there are panels that clearly show the remnants of New Earth (consisting of the Titans Tower, the Fortress of Solitude, and what I took to be portions of the Watchtower) floating in space surrounded by the final essence that is Darkseid.Â These scenes take place after the death of Darkseid, when Superman is trying to power the Miracle Machine.Â Then there are panels that show a fully restored Earth that is still quarantined by the Oans from the first issue when Orion was killed.Â Those panels take place during and after the powering up of the Miracle Machine.
Confused?Â You arenâ€™t alone.
To make matters worse, the floating in space city Earth has Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen printing the last copy of the Daily Planet inside the JLA trophy room, where we clearly see displayed Batmanâ€™s Cowl, Hawmanâ€™s headdress, and Wonder Womanâ€™s grotesque mask sheâ€™s been wearing since issue #2, yet a few pages later, readers see Wonder Woman destroying the mask just before Darkseid dies.Â The continuity confusion abounds and makes me want to run down the street screaming for a dose of the drugs grant morrison is taking.
The interesting thing about what morrison is doing in this issue, and presumably since Seven Soldiers, is trying to pay homage to Jack Kirby by ushering in the Fifth World. By series end, however, we donâ€™t get to see the Fifth World gods emerge, but rather we get to see everything Jack Kirby created get transported to Earth-51 – the very same universe that was destroyed (twice?) in Countdown to Final Crisis.Â There is a moment in Countdown where readers see the remains of that universe coalescing, and a single flower starting to bloom.Â Here morrison uses Nix Uotanâ€™s narration to explain Apokolips being reborn as New Genesis, and Kamandi and the rest of Kirbyâ€™s DC creations (including the Fifth World Forever People and Sonny Sumo) being transported to Earth-51.Â And what of Etrigan, mr. morrison?Â Is he also on Earth-51?
And in the process of moving the last survivors of New Earth to Earth-51 via the Black Gambit maneuver, Lord Eye freaks out, collapses the Mother Boxxx created boom tube (itâ€™s got three x-es because morrison is three times as intense as a single x) causing Hawkman to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the people.Â Itâ€™s such a short montage readers may miss.Â Thatâ€™s okay though, as IÂ only know a few people who are going to be upset at the loss of a character who’s history is more screwed up than a time traveling immortal.Â At least Geoff Johns now has another hero to resurrect during Blackest Night to shamble along zombie style to wreck havoc in the next big event.
Also in the span of a single panel, Aquaman returns – and then does absolutely nothing.
Feel free to scream along.
If you want your Crisis filled with heroes from various worlds standing around and doing very little, then this final issue is for you.Â Not only do we get to see Superman standing around as Mandrakk and the vampire Ultraman exchange pleasantries, readers are also treated with the arrival of the Supermen of the Multiverse, the Green Lantern Corps, the Angels of the Pax Dei, and Captain Carrot and crew.Â Thatâ€™s right, CAPTAIN FREAKINâ€™ CARROT!
Then Hal Jordan drives a spike through the heart of Mandrakk.
It seems like this would be a fanboyâ€™s wet dream come true as the Nix Uotan led force defeats the enemy… if only it all made sense.Â I thought Darkseid was the big bad?Â No?Â Guess readers had better get a copy of Superman Beyond 3D #1 and #2 to see what the heck is really going on.
It all seems so frenetic that the moments featuring Barry and Wally streaking through the scene with the Black Racer on their trail seems almost like an afterthought.Â I did, however, like how morrison dealt with the backwards firing bullet, and Darkseidâ€™s death by time travel.
I also found it interesting that this final crisis really isnâ€™t even a crisis for our heroes, or the multiverse, but the final crisis for the monitors of the 52 worlds who end up getting wiped out of existence.Â It is a great moment that reminds readers of the closing pages of Crisis on Infinite Earths were Lois, Kal-L, Superboy, and Alex Luthor disappear into the pocket universe.
By the end, the most shocking moment of Final Crisis isnâ€™t that the multiverse has been saved and lesser heroes have been lost, but the fact that grant morrison pulled a fast one on the DC readers by revealing that Batman is still alive.Â Granted, heâ€™s stuck at the beginning of time, watching Anthro pass away while he scratches his bat symbol on the wall, but at least it lets readers know that morrison will now spend the next year telling everyone the whole RIP was a â€œthrilling rideâ€ and it was planned that way from the beginning.Â And he would probably be right as the cover to the first issue featured the same cave drawings Bruce Wayne is working on in the final page.
I will admit I had a momentâ€™s hope on the last page as I tried to comprehend everything that was presented in the final splash panel, but after that moment passed, I must say I was quite upset.Â For months now, DC has hyped the â€œdeath of Batmanâ€ only to laugh like a little school girl at how foolish readers are to have believed the lie.
I seem to remember a tale of a boy who cried wolf so many times that eventually it came back to bite him on his ass (literally).Â For those wondering what is next from DC itâ€™s going to go like this A) Battle for the Cowl will be followed by B) Blackest Night, which will then be followed by C) Doc Brown showing up at Wayne Manor shouting â€œYouâ€™ve got to come with me Dick!Â We have to get Batman Back to the Future (for the next crisis)!â€Â (cue Huey Lewis music)
Now, Iâ€™m sure there are many of you out there who are already firing up your â€œWell Duh!Â Did you actually think DC would really kill Batman!Â Jeez!Â It was only a matter of time before he showed back up, moron!â€ comments.Â To those with a jaded view of the world, I would like to point you to Marvel.Â Now, I donâ€™t read that many Marvel comics, but there is one thing I do know for sure – when they kill someone, they ainâ€™t back by the next issue.Â When Steve Rogers was murdered, the same lot of you proclaimed he would be back in six months.Â Two years later, youâ€™re more than happy with Bucky as Cap, and it doesnâ€™t look like Steve is returning anytime soon.Â Will Steve Rogers return?Â Perhaps, but now that the â€œsuccessfulâ€ transition to Bucky has been accepted by most fans, Steve Rogers doesnâ€™t ever have to return.Â If DC really wanted to borrow a play from Marvelâ€™s play book (and really, Marvelâ€™s book has been open for all to see for a couple of years now), the company would have kept Batmanâ€™s death a secret until it was ready to play that hand.
When Final Crisis was first announced, the only clue grant morrison would give readers is that it begins with Anthro (the first boy on Earth) and would end with Kamandi (the last boy on Earth).Â Now that everything has concluded, morrison is going on the record to say that there were never any rewrites (even though there are indications that there were), it is just the story evolved.Â He also goes so far as to proclaim the lateness of the series is no fault of his own, but rather that of lackadaisical (but brilliant) artists.Â Way to hide a jab in a compliment mr. morrison, you truly know how to play the game.
- Batman is still alive
- Hawkman is dead once again
- The multiverse remains intact
- Batman is still alive
- The story jumps a lot in this issue – if you have ADD, better make sure you have your pills handy
- Backwards firing bullet explained
- Where the heck is morrison’s beloved Animal Man?
- Thereâ€™s a whole lot of meh and huh? going on in this issue and the series as a whole.
Fool me once, shame on you.Â Â Fool me twice… well, your sales are going to drop after that one.Â Much like Marvel’s Secret Invasion, I think many readers are going to feel jaded over Final Crisis to the point they arenâ€™t going to buy into the major event titles much longer.Â Final Crisis #7 is an interesting read to say the least, and while it does take multiple readings to get the timeline right and figure out what exactly is going on, it isnâ€™t the worst thing Iâ€™ve ever read.Â Final Crisis #7 gets 3 out of 5 Stars, which is high praise coming from me.