The movie has only been on screens for a few short hours and already Transformers has been greenlit for a sequel by Dreamworks and Paramount pictures. I gotta tell you, I’ve been pretty excited about seeing the Transformers movie, even though Michael Bay is the director. Typically I go into movies expecting the worst, and then am pleasantly surprised when it doesn’t suck.

Unfortunately my worst fear about this movie seem to be confirmed in the early review Josh Howard posted on his site.

You know that guy you work with or that relative of yours that likes to take your action figures and put them all in sexually suggestive poses while you’re not looking? That’s what this movie felt like.

When one of the “funny” moments includes one of the most loved and revered Autobots, Bumblebee, taking a piss on someone, you know you’ve fallen face down into the filthy, waste-encrusted gutter that is Hollywood.

Holy crap! I can’t wait to see the action figure based on that. “Bubblebee – Now with Pee Action!” No wonder those parents groups are all up in arms.

You can read the rest of the rant at Josh’s site, and if you’ve seen the movie already, post your comments and share your thoughts on The Transformers. If everything Josh says is true,this could mean even worse news for the next Star Trek movie being penned by Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the duo credited for writing Transformers.

via Josh Howard


About Author

Stephen Schleicher began his career writing for the Digital Media Online community of sites, including Digital Producer and Creative Mac covering all aspects of the digital content creation industry. He then moved on to consumer technology, and began the Coolness Roundup podcast. A writing fool, Stephen has freelanced for Sci-Fi Channel's Technology Blog, and Gizmodo. Still longing for the good ol' days, Stephen launched Major Spoilers in July 2006, because he is a glutton for punishment. You can follow him on Twitter @MajorSpoilers and tell him your darkest secrets...


  1. I actually saw Transformers last night. The verdict:

    Better than Independence Day, not as good as PotC: Curse of the Black Pearl. Chock full of cliches to the max, and several key moments threaten to shatter credibility. The Bumblebee pissing thing is actually quite low on the list, partially because of the context of the moment (presumably, he’s imitating the dog that peed on one of the Autobots) and partially because there are, as usual, some real eye-rolling Michael Bay trademarks, such as:

    *The jock bully who threatens to start saying “Stan DARSH” at any moment.
    *Anthony Anderson playing typical Anthony Anderson (loud, fat, panicky “urban” comic relief) with the twist that this is supposed to be the greatest hacker in the known universe, so suddenly it’s not supposed to be cliched.
    *The SECOND best hacker in the known universe is a blindingly hot Australian blonde with perfect hair and shining, voluptuously glossed lips, not the nerdcore basement rats who find themselves on the outer edges of the camera while she’s DEAD CENTER in her establishing scene.
    *The standard “motley crew” setup of the soldiers, quickly establishing their characters with cliches like ruminations on an ethnic mother’s home cooking and babies that the fathers are waiting to go home and meet for the first time.
    *The ridiculous suspension of disbelief that five giant robots whose voices bellow from speakers and whose footsteps cause ground tremors are able to successfully hide in a backyard for an extended scene.
    *Megan Fox is UNBELIEVABLY HOT. Which isn’t really a problem, I suppose. Just unbelievable. When she was looking at Bumblebee’s engine, I started to believe in God all over again, or at the very least, Satan. So sure, she’d end up with the geek.
    *Optimus Prime breaks something and says “My bad.”

    And yet, I can wholeheartedly recommend the movie for these reasons:

    They got the spirit of it right. Yes, the robots look different than fans are used to, and the human element is slightly over-stressed here, but the point is: A kid named Witwicky comes across an Autobot named Bumblebee and proceeds to get caught up in an intergalactic power struggle over a MacGuffin that can create new robotic lifeforms.

    Along the same lines, it’s a sneaky but welcome trick that Bay pulled using Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. That voice coming out of a giant robot is like geek comfort food, no matter how inane and stilted the dialogue may be (the final battle has lines I swear I’ve heard in the cartoon.) Cullen isn’t Anthony Hopkins, but in the genre of giant robot films, he may as well be Olivier and Nicholson rolled into one. So much of the movie that might not otherwise click comes together because of that voice of wisdom from so many geek childhoods. And while Megatron and Starscream don’t quite sound the same, they share at least one moment that made the entire audience chuckle with its pure familiarity and complete appropriateness.

    When the action occurs, it’s geektastic. Granted, the new designs occasional make one wonder exactly which Autobot or Decepticons are fighting, and which is winning (of course, it was after midnight on a work night so I WAS tired) but there are several Holy Shit moments sprinkled throughout the battle scenes.

    And let’s give credit where credit is due…I’ve never liked him in a movie before, EVER, but Shia LaBeouf could not have done a better job as Sam Witwicky, the human center of the film. He’s a dork, he’s more than a little fearful, and a few of his lines and decisions are questionable, but Sam never becomes someone completely unlikable that you wish Megatron would just squash and get it over with.

    There is almost enough Michael Bay bullshit in this movie to have sank it into the bin of empty, forgotten blockbusters with Independence Day, Armaggedon, Con Air, Men in Black II, etc…but the sick sad truth is that kids love giant robots and geeky overgrown children with adult-sized salaries love the hell out of them too, especially if they come from Cybertron. However, the human moments really are more human than anything Bay’s managed to come up with before (much better than Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler playing with animal crackers.) The Transformers, while not EXACTLY the same as they were in 1985, are essentially correct: Soundwave (vastly changed) is still a spy who changes into audio devices. Bumblebee is still Sam’s loyal friend. Megatron is still the most vile solid steel son of a bitch in the galaxy, and when he gets mad, he’s an unrelenting murderous force of destruction that the Autobots can barely hope to contain. Optimus Prime is still (damn that voice) the closest thing to an invulnerable father figure that a giant robot/truck is ever going to get.

    It’s far from perfect, and people who hated the Transformers will dismiss it outright while grudgingly admiring the combat scenes. Geeks who loved the old series will be torn at times, but will likely be 75% in favor of the movie. Kids who should probably be at Ratatouille instead will still dig the hell out of it and demand the DVD come Christmas.

    If I had to scale it out of ten, I’d give it a solid 7.5. It won’t change your life, but what movie does these days? It’s the best “summer blockbuster” this year I’ve seen by far (though I prefer Knocked Up overall and probably the Rat as well.) Go see it once in the theater, on a big-ass screen with a good sound system and a crowd of geeks. It’s worth it.

  2. I saw the movie last night and to be honest I came away with a different reaction. Now, first off make no mistake that this is NOT a kid’s movie. It pushed the line of PG13/R pretty hard. You definitely need to preview it before taking anyone preteen for sure. That being said, I am a fan of the series, but not hardcore by any means. I though it was pretty solid. If you are someone that is a rabid, die hard fan, you are probably going to be disappointed. (If you are one of those people that hated Spiderman because he had organic web shooters, you may fall into this category.) They do change the characters, but nothing as extreme as the changes to Galactus in FF2. (There is a point where they explain that they learned English from the internet, which explains the new speech patterns. I’m just glad they did not learn how to communicate from test messaging) If you are expecting a live action adaptation of the cartoon, you aren’t going to find it here. If you can get behind the idea of giant robots that transform and blow stuff up really good, then you’ll like it. You will have your testerone levels increased by at least 25-30% by the end. I thought it was especially good in comparison to the other summer “event” movies that have come out so far this year. While not perfect (I totally agree with Josh’s evaluation of Jazz, as well as Primes’ reaction at the end) on the whole I thought is was worth the money. Definitely needs to be seen on the big screen.

  3. Shane Summers on

    I checked out Transformers last night and loved every minute of it. I myself am not much of a Michael Bay fan, but was won over by how great this movie was. Now before I start getting bashed, I grew up a Transformers fan and you could probably put anything in this movie and I would of loved as long as Optimus was in it (and wasn’t killed) and also that Peter Cullen reprised the vocal talent for it. So what if there was a few jokes in it, if there wasn’t people would complain that it was way to straight forward. Overall, it was the best 2 1/2 hours I’ve spent all summer. When it was said and done, I couldn’t believe that that time had already run out! Take it for what it’s worth, its a movie about alien robots that transform into vehicles or planes for pete’s sake!

  4. I saw Transformers at 8:00pm on Monday night. After the credit finished, I walked out to the box office and got tickets for the 11:40pm show. As a lifelong Transformer fan, this movie was the culmination of my being. Sure there was some shitty dialogue, glaring plot holes, and definite TF-canon issues … but you know what it did have? Glorous Robot on Robot smashing action. Simply amazing. I agree that is pushed the PG-13 rating (moreso than Live Free or Die Hard). It did send me on an emotional roller coaster, I will refrain from spoilage at this point. I loved it and will probably end up seeing this once a week until it is out of theaters.

  5. I just saw the Transformers movie, and it was TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME!!!!! I do agree that it pushed the PG-13 rating at times, which bugged me, but the rest of the movie made up for it. Non-stop action, people! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! I know that some people are upset about the whole Bumblebee pissing on the cop situation, but personally it was one of my favorite scenes! It left me laughing and shouting “DO IT AGAIN, BUMBLEBEE!” Now, I was not a Transformers fan before hearing about this movie, but that’s not because I didn’t like it, I was just too caught up in old Star Trek episodes to notice it. But now it’s taking me over! I even went out and bought the new Bumblebee action figure, and took it with me when I went to see the movie! Call me crazy, but I just turned eighteen so I’ve been acting a little crazy anyway.

  6. I grew up with generation one. I saw no problems with the movie, but then … I am not one of those ones that have issues over minute details like as someone else put it, what kind of web shooters Spidey has. I would have had more of a problem with the whole thing if there was a major canon issue that took away from the heart of the canon. Or one who will pick at the issues that caue problems for the plot line due to canon issues known probabbly only to fans. There was nothing like that at all in the movie.
    As for Bumblebee peeing, that was my favorite scence in the whole movie. And I tend to not like seeing that in the movies I watched. There were other things that pushed the PG13 issue … but this movie was really marketed to the 21 to 28 year olds, the people who grew up with G1. But … if they had given it an R rating, they would have had parents up in arms for the fact that they think that they are ruining their childs fandom world. But there were only a few things that really pushed it.
    And I pity parents who had kids who have seen the newe cartoons and saw just one comercial with Transformers in it and were begging to go see it. And they come to discover … it’s not what they thought it would be.
    Though … I admit I would have had the exact same reaction if I had read those words before the movie. For two years I avoided anything about the movie other then it was coming out. And the way the person words it … takes it completly out of context of how it happened in the move and exagertates it. Way too much. But then, it is a rant and an opinion of the movie.

  7. I thought it was VERY GOOD! Nothing’s perfect… ‘cept Megan Fox!!! Does corn and peanuts for dinner mean anything to you guys? No, I’m not really that freaky. And if you ever saw Shia(sp) on “Even Stevens” then you know he’s spot-on! I took my kids: 14, 9 and 4 to see it. They loved it too!
    Can’t wait for the sequel!

  8. i saw the movie a week ago..i found it really good although some parts of the movie were stupid…i understand that GM sponsored this movie but do they really have to close up on one of the autobots transforming and stick the GMC sign sliding upwards…giving that a close-up was incredibly stupid..and zooming in on the BMW getting crushed was funny yet stupid because its just saying how shitty BMW’s are..and bumblebee pissing on the cop or whatever was funny…all in all the movie was great and megan fox was FLIPPING SEXYYYYYYYY

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