Imagine my surprise when this arrived in my comic shipment this week.


How about a gut reaction mini review?


They’re still making this? The last issue came out in March 2006. MARCH 2006! I gave a quick thumb through the issue and will say this is some fine work by Jim Lee, but lord the writing is so cheesy. It’s worse than “I’m the goddamn Batman” line from issue #1 from way back in September of 2005. The words “Shut Up” were used at least five times in the first five pages, and Diana saying, “Out of the way sperm bank!” is just too much. Miller even has Batman saying, “I love being the goddamn BATMAN”.

From here on out we shall call Batman by his true name – The goddamn Batman! (you must include the exclamation point).

The entire exchange between Wonder Woman, Superman, Green Lantern and Plastic Man (yes Plastic Man) falls completely flat and comes off as pure cheese equal to the crap being hacked out on network television. Even worse, the exchange between the “Justice League” goes on for eight pages – EIGHT PAGES – and does nothing to advance the story except that at some point down the road (hopefully before I reach retirement) Superman and The goddamn Batman! (and maybe even the rest of the Just Us League) are going to come to blows. Blows -hehe, kind of like this series.

I will admit to liking the The goddamn Batman! out on patrol sequence as he takes down a couple of rapists and makes them feel real pain, but his maniac glee while doling out his own brand of justice seems more akin to the Joker than a hero detective. And his Samuel L. Jackson impersonation leaves me flat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Frank Miller’s writing in nearly all of his other works, but it just seems lately he’s turning cheesy dialogue all the way up to 11 just for shock value and controversy, almost like he’s thumbing his nose at the entire hero genre. There are some brilliant gems if you dig down far enough. As The goddamn Batman! runs over the rooftops his inner dialogue (yes, even the I love being the goddamn Batman) comes off brilliantly and makes me yearn for the 80s and The Dark Knight Returns. It’s just the other stuff I’m having a real problem with.

To tell the truth I don’t even remember what the heck is happening in this storyline since it’s been over a year since the last issue. I think everyone is still upset The goddamn Batman! kidnapped Tim Drake (who finds a bunch of pointy weapons in the batcave). I going to archive these issues away until the arc ends (or the series, whichever is first) and then read it in one big sitting. I think that is the only way I’m going to be able to half-way appreciate this title.

Let’s hope we are not waiting 455 days for the next installment.

I want to love this book, I really do.

When I reached the last page, the only thing going through my head was “You have to be kidding me…”

I’ll give All Star Batman and Robin #5 a more than deserved 1 Star. The only saving grace in this issue is Jim Lee’s artwork.


Parting Shot



The Author

Stephen Schleicher

Stephen Schleicher

Stephen Schleicher began his career writing for the Digital Media Online community of sites, including Digital Producer and Creative Mac covering all aspects of the digital content creation industry. He then moved on to consumer technology, and began the Coolness Roundup podcast. A writing fool, Stephen has freelanced for Sci-Fi Channel's Technology Blog, and Gizmodo. Still longing for the good ol' days, Stephen launched Major Spoilers in July 2006, because he is a glutton for punishment.

You can follow him on Twitter @MajorSpoilers and tell him your darkest secrets...

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  1. Brent F.
    May 18, 2007 at 12:44 pm — Reply

    I think Miller has lost it, that dialogue is terrible. This writing for this series has felt like it was phoned in from the start, as though Mr. Miller is giving up on his comic book career in favor of directing. God I hope he doesn’t screw up the Spirit movie.

    I’m the goddamn Spirit!

  2. May 18, 2007 at 12:52 pm — Reply

    I too was surprised when I found this in my weekly haul. It had been well over a year since I added it to my pull list. Between this and Ultimates 2 #13 I had to delve into my back issues for a refresher. I feel bad for anyone who is using this series as their first exposure to Frank Miller. He’s definitely not bringing his A-game.

  3. May 18, 2007 at 12:55 pm — Reply

    What is it with Frank Miller that Batman & Street Hoods = limb breakage and ‘Punk’ tossed around everwhere?

    Poor Frank. He’s on his last elbows…

  4. May 18, 2007 at 1:08 pm — Reply

    This just in: Noted comic creator Frank Miller has turned into a parody of himself! The stylized violence, illogical sex, misogyny, and ridiculously poorly written female characters that once were prevalent in his work are now the only things left in Frank Miller comics, and fans are confused.

    Interviewed on his yacht while being serviced by one of his personal army of prostitutes, Miller said “Hell, I’ve had my houseboy tracing my old stuff and stealing dialogue out of Taiwanese action movies since 1994! I haven’t drawn crap since the last issue of The Dark Knight.”

    Joe Quesada was cashing a check for Painkiller Jane at the time this story was written, and could not be reached for comment.

  5. Mark I.
    May 18, 2007 at 1:28 pm — Reply

    This is the man writing and directing “THE SPIRIT,” remember. Or should that be “THE GODDAMN SPIRIT?”

    Someone hook up a battery to Will Eisner’s grave…something tell’s me he’ll soon be spinning enough to power Yankee Stadium. I hope I’m wrong.

  6. Mark I.
    May 18, 2007 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    I think Miller should just give up and use this one:

    ALL STAR GODDAMN BATMAN: I just ruptured your left testicle. Doctors can probably save your right one but you’re going to have a useless prosthetic nut for the rest of your life. Think about that while you’re in prison trying to get excited about a new fish.

    THUG: AHHH!!! AHHH!!

    ALL STAR GODDAMN BATMAN: I got a joke for you, punk. What did the five fingers say to the face?


    ALL STAR GODDAMN BATMAN: “SLAP!” (Punches THUG through brick wall.)

  7. May 18, 2007 at 2:14 pm — Reply

    Anybody else think “All-Star Batman: I Just Ruptured Your Left Testicle” is a pretty good tagline for this series?

  8. Brent F.
    May 18, 2007 at 2:52 pm — Reply

    You forgot the “Goddamn” before Batman.

  9. May 18, 2007 at 3:15 pm — Reply

    Well, $#!+.

  10. May 18, 2007 at 4:07 pm — Reply

    Jim Lee’s Batman is fantastic, by far one of my favorite renderings of the Dark Knight. What unsettled me about this issue was Alfred going all Sugar Ray Leonard on that heavy bag. Where did that come from? What is the overall point of this title?

    *shrugs and pulls Batman: Year One trade off of bookshelf*

  11. May 18, 2007 at 4:08 pm — Reply

    What is the overall point of this title?

    The overall point?

    I’m the goddamn Batman. I just ruptured your left testicle. There’s your goddamn point. Now shaddup and eat your rat… :)

  12. Mark I.
    May 18, 2007 at 4:41 pm — Reply

    I wish DC would let Adam West narrate an audiobook of the ALL STAR GODDAMN BATMAN.

    “And how come Batman doesn’t DANCE anymore?”

  13. Brent F.
    May 18, 2007 at 5:02 pm — Reply

    Adam West: “I can remember when I was the goddamn Batman and Burt Ward was the goddamn Robin, my eager sidekick!”

  14. Jack
    May 19, 2007 at 12:32 pm — Reply

    He kidnapped Dick Grayson, not Tim Drake, right?

  15. May 19, 2007 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    Who knows? It’s been over two years since the first issue, and most of us have probably forgot. You may be right, but I’m too tired to dig through the bins for the answer.

  16. Cool Blue
    May 25, 2007 at 9:17 pm — Reply

    Alfred on the punching bag isn’t too out there actually. Alfred was a champion boxer during his army days.

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